Fri
18
Dec 2015

Some time ago I published my list of Funny quotes from Twitter - Part 1. As I read Twitter regularly, I would like to share some new funny (and sometimes serious) quotes that I liked recently, again mostly about programming.

my solution runs in O(my god) time

We're about 5 years away from dumping the games and just buying the trailers

Programming is a constant exercise in remembering how stupid you really are. (@ramyhg)

Problem statement = goals + constraints

As technology advances, rendering time remains constant. (Blinn's Law)

First Law of Software Quality:
e = mc^2
errors = (more code)^2

We used to leak kilobytes, then megs, then even gigs. Now, we leak EC2 instances. Someday, we'll leak entire datacenters.

Why did a DBA suddenly quit his career and become a DJ? Because he DROPed the base! (@astarasikov)

if Apple's graphics API for small phone GPUs was called "metal", does that make the desktop version "heavy metal"?

Programming is like writing a book... except if you miss out a single comma on page 126 the whole thing makes no damn sense.

You likely have to get management approval for a $500 expense... but you can call a 1-hr meeting with 20 people and no one notices.

"I've set the wedding date. I've not asked her out yet." - how software projects are managed.

Compiler devs, I'm not sure how to break this to you, but SSA is ass backwards. (@rygorous)

My hope is that if I use enough encapsulation, no one will find out that I have no idea what I’m doing :D (@BenNadel)

Just because RAM stands for Random Access Memory doesn't mean you should strive to access memory randomly. (@domipheus)

THE GUIDFATHER (annoyed): I'll make him an offer he can't reuse. (@rygorous)

What's up? Answer: up is a static const vector3 (@_Humus_)

Programming is like sex: It may give some concrete results, but that is not why we do it. #stroustrup (@samanismael)

What do you say to a Linux user? Nothing, their sound card doesn't work.

"You had one job," said the work stealing scheduler "but now it's mine.".

When .NET developers are fired they put their stuff in a box, even though boxing is generally discouraged in that space.

'Fancy algorithms are slow when n is small, and n is usually small.' -- Rob Pike (@CompSciFact)

User interface is like a joke, if you have to explain it, it's not that good.

Unfortunately, Accidental Complexity is often where the fun is for many developers. (@cyriux)

Objects are data structures with functions. Closures are functions with data.

My girlfriend says she needs time and distance. Is she calculating velocity?

an important question: if one wants to grows a binary tree, does one put a 1 or a 0 in the soil? (@logicalerror)

- "What do we want?" - "Now!" - "When do we want it?" - "Fewer race conditions!" (@wellendonner)

Tetris is a game about technical debt (@JeremyGrosser)

"Immutable objects are always tread safe." -- Brian Goetz

I don't think any profession makes you feel as stupid as programming. Yes, computer, you WERE right. I am sorry. (@JJcoolkl)

"Nobody wins a data race." -- Pablo Halpern #cppcon

Videogames have a unique way of combining all the risks of a creative endeavor with all the risks of software engineering.

The year is "2027". Strings are the only remaining data type. (@velartrill)

A programmer with a hammer will find most problems sufficiently nail-like. (@TimSweeneyEpic)

Debugging is like being the detective in a crime movie where you are also the murderer. (@fortes)

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